Deadpool of Fiore
by SPQRVX
Summary: Once upon a time there was a mercenary named Deadpool. He got sucked through a portal and ended up in Earthland. Where many misadventures await him. But oh boy how are our friends at Fairy Tail are going to deal with him? Will they kill him or will they have ice cream? The answer is "Derp"
1. Deadpool's pudding problems

**Warning this story is to awesome for children under the age of 13  
>Viewer discretion is advised<strong>

Deadpool is sitting on his crappy recliner watching infomercials about pudding because when you're watching infomercials it's always about pudding. Anyway after watching the puddingmercials Deadpool decides to take a piss. So he went to his bathroom unzipped the lower part of his costume, then he gets sucked though a wormhole in his bathroom "WAIT WHAT?!" Deadpool then vanishes through the wormhole and gets out and lands on what felt like cold marble ground, very different then his bathroom's floor.

He then gets up and sees a guy in his early twenties that has blue hair and wearing a white trench coat "IS HE NEO?" no he's not Neo, anyway and there's a lady with dark purple hair standing beside him "IS SHE TRINITY?" god damn it Deadpool stop making Matrix references, your pissing off the readers "FINE BUT CAN I MAKE FUN OF THEIR HAIR?" go nuts "YAY, HEY YOUR HAIR IS STUPID AHAHAHAHA!"

The blue hair guy grunted in frustration but ignored Deadpool's comment and said "Welcome Deadpool" Deadpool stopped laughing and said "SO YOU'VE HEARD OF ME?" "Well yes but barley, but anyway I have a job for you." Said the mysterious blue haired man "YOU WANT ME TO KILL HER?" asked Deadpool "No I want you to keep an eye on a certain group of people." Explained the man, man "OH SO YOU WANT ME KILL THEM RIGHT?" "What no I want you to watch them that's all I don't want you to kill anybody unless it is very necessary."

"OK BUT WE SHOULD KILL HER, JUSTIN CASE SHE'S A SPY." "**Dude we've been playing too much Team Fortress 2**." "_Yeah but we're still gonna kill her right?" _ "OF COURSE WE ARE, WHY WOULDN'T WE?" "_Because it's immoral." _"IMMORAL SMMORAL, LETS JUST ACCEPT THE JOB AND GO HOME, MORE PUDDING COMMERCIALS ARE GOING TO COME ON ANY SECOND NOW." Rambled Deadpool

"No you're not killing anybody especially Ultiear and no she is not a spy!" yelled the blue haired man "And what the hell is a pudding commercial?" Asked Ultiear "YOU KNOW A COMMERCIAL ABOUT PUDDING." "I know what pudding is but what's a commercial?" she asked "UH YOU KNOW USELESS STUFF ON THE T.V UNLESS YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE BAHROOM, OR WATCH PUDDING COMMERCIALS." "What's a T.V?" asked the blue haired man "WAIT ARE YOU GUYS TELLING ME YOU NEVER HEARD OF T.V?" asked Deadpool

They shook their heads no "WHAT ABOUT MARVEL COMICS, DISNEY, HOWARD THE DUCK, XBOX, TEAMFORTRESS 2, INTRNET PORN, COMPUTERS ANYTHING?" Deadpool asked desperately and each question got the same answer "no" "OH MY GOD THIS ISN'T HAPPENING WITHOUT COMPUTERS I CAN'T WATCH PORN AND IF I CAN'T WATCH PORN I CAN'T PLAY TEAM FORTRESS 2 AND IF I CAN'T PLAY TEAM FORTRESS 2 THAT MEANS.." "_We lose our fucking minds." _ "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "NO, NO NO, YOU SON OF A BITCH I'LL KILL YOU!" Deadpool tries to pull out one of his guns but realizes that he didn't bring any of them with him and so he is just left with his two katanas. "UH BY KILL YOU I MEAN GIVE YOU A HUG, COME HERE BUDDY!" "Just go to Hargeon and get on the boat and do your mission and I'll send you back." Said the blue haired man "ALRIGHT FINE BUT YOU BETTER PAY ME A SHIT TON OF MONEY WHEN I GET BACK, DEADPOOL DON'T WORK FOR FREE YOU KNOW!" "Fine just get on the train and go away, Ultiear will meet you up at Hargeon there she will answer any questions you have" "LIKE WHY YOUR HAIR IS BLUE?" "Except that now get out before I call security." Ordered the blue haired man while face palmed at his situation

"FINE WHAT EVER BUT DON'T FORGET THE MONEY!" Deadpool then walks happily out the door and tires to go to the train station but he is unfortunately lost his way halfway there. Meanwhile the blue haired man known as Siegrein, also known as Jellal is having a conversation with his assistant Ultiear "I think I've made a terrible mistake, I should've hired that other guy, instead of this buffoon." Commented Jellal "Well it's too late now the teleportation machine well need to recharge for at least a month from now." Said Ultiear "Yes but I still want you to keep a close eye on him make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT TAKE VISA, WHO THE HELL WOULDN'T TAKE VISA?" said Deadpool talking to a waiter at a local dinner from here "I'm sorry sir but I don't know what a Visa is." Replied the waiter "UGH FINE NOW HOW MUCH IS THE FOOD AGAIN?" "One thousand Jewels sir in total." Answered the waiter "ONE THOUSAND JEWELS, HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO FIND ONE THOUSAND JEWELS YOU CHEEP SAKE, UNLESS YOUR TALKING ABOUT FAMILY JEWELS IN WHICH CASE THIS ECNOMY IS PRETTY FUCKED UP, EH OH WELL HEY LITTLE TIMMY COME HERE!" beaconed Deadpool.

Ultiear is walking up to the dinner and is hearing sounds of screaming coming from inside she runs to the door and the door opens revealing a blood covered up Deadpool carrying a blood soaked black garbage bag "What the hell did you do?!" she yelled "WHAT THE GUY WANTED ONE THOUSAND JEWELS SO I TRIED TO GET ONE THOUSAND JEWELS, BUT I ONLY GOT THIRTY SO I NEED A LOT MORE BALLS SO, THAT NEO GUY IS HE USING THEM OR SOMETHING?" replied Deadpool "You mutilated thirty people?!" she yelled "NO I DIDN'T SAY THIRTY PEOPLE I SAID THIRTY JEWELS AND IF YOU DIVIDE 30 BY 2 YOU GET?!" "Oh I'm sorry I mean You Mutilated fifteen people?!"

"YES STUPID HOW ELSE AM I GOING TO GET JEWELS AROUND HERE?" Ultiear sighed and pulled out a one hundred jewel dollar "This is a Jewel you moron!" she explained "OH THEN YOUR TELLING ME I JUST MUTLIATED A BUNCH OF DUDES FOR NOTHING THEN?" "Yes now come on we've got to get out of here before the authorities sees us." "BECAUSE OF OUR LOVE?" "No because of your stupidity!" yelled Ultiear

They then ran to the train station leaving behind the garbage bag full of mutilated balls. They arrived at Hargeon shortly afterwards and got a boat that would take them, and Ultiear is desciesed as an old native American with a white wolf paper mache mask. They then are near at they're destination.

But Deadpool is kept annoying her throughout the journey, like he keeps asking questions like, why is she a man, and is she a spy, and when will he get a chimchanga whatever that is, and also the most annoying being "ARE WE THERE YET?" "No" "HOW ABOUT NOW?" "No" "ARE WE THERE YET, ARE WE THERE YET, ARE WE THERE YET, ARE WE THERE, WE THERE YET, ARE WE THERE YET ARE WE THERE YET ARE WE THERE YET?" and before Deadpool could ask another "are we there yet?" he is hit on the back of the head with a frying pan. And slips into unconsciousness, when he wakes up he hears a load wave and is thrown violently against the current and lands his very deep in sand and is crushed on top of what felt like a big fat person, he then heard some muffled voices

"_Dude it's Pyro he's come to save us._" Deadpool then feels the heavy person get off him and a strong firm grip hand pulled his head free from the sand. "PPT, TP THANKS PYRO YOU REALLY SAVED MY LIFE, HEY WAIT A MINUTE YOU'RE NOT PYRO!" a pink haired young man wearing Arabian clothing drops Deadpool back on the ground and said "No I'm.." "YOUR ALADIN! HOLY SHIT THIS THE WEIRDEST CROSSOVER I'VE EVER BEEN IN, OF COURSE THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME WHEN I WAS A PONY." "**And the time when we were in a little girl's T.V show." **"_What was it called?_" "**My Little Pony: Friendship, is uh bullshit.**"

The pink haired man is confused at what this strange man in red spandex is saying "No my name's Natsu." "NARUTO?" "Natsu" "OH WELL NICE TO MEET YA I'M DEADPOOL."

_To be continued when I feel like it_


	2. David Bowie guest stars in this chapter

**Warning do not waste your life on Fan Fictions or you end up a loser like me **

"LAST TIME ON DEADPOOL OF FIORE, OUR HERO IS NOW STUCK ON AN ISLAND FULL OF KILLER MUTATED BUGS, BECAUSE A DUMB BITCH DECIDED IT WOULD BE A NICE PLACE TO HAVE THERE ONE MILLIONTH ANNIVERSARY THERE. AND ALADDIN HAS JOINED HIS PARTY, WHILE THE DUMB BITCH GOT KIDNAPPED BY EVIL FLYING DRACULA SPACE COWS. WILL SHE SURVIVE OR NOT STAY TUNE AND FIND OUT" "Ugh what are you doing?" asked the dark blue haired man

Deadpool sighs in annoyance "WELL MEG, I WAS EXPLAINING TO THE READERS WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LAST CHAPTER UNTIL YOU MEGED YOUR WAY INTO MY CONVERSATION." Said Deadpool, "What readers?" asked the blonde woman "And who's Meg" asked Meg in a confused tone of voice "YOUR MEG, MEG." Said Deadpool "My name is Gray." Stated Gray "IS THERE FIFTY OF YOU?" "What the, no you idiot why would there be?" demanded Gray

"BECAUSE I WOULD'VE MADE A FIFTY SHADES OF GREY REFRENCE BUT YOU JUST HAD TO RUIN THE JOKE ANYWAY MEG!" commented Deadpool with his arms cross indifference "Look can you just tell us who are you?" demanded the blonde haired woman "Like where you're from, or why you're here." Chimed in the little flying blue cat (Nice try but I'm not going to call him a pussy) "I'LL GIVE YOU FIFTY BUCKS IF YOU DO" sorry man it's too late if I say it now they'll think I meant you. "AWW, THAT'S NOT FAIR!" commented Deadpool

"SIGH" Deadpool then turns back to the others and says "ALRIGHT I'LL TELL YOU, BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME YOUR FULL NAME'S FIRST!" Natsu raises an eyebrow "Why?" "UH BECAUSE IT'S TOTALLY NOT A WAY TO KILL YOU BY WRITING YOUR NAME'S DOWN IN AN EVIL BOOK THAT WILL TOTALLY NOT KILL YOU IF I WROTE DOWN YOUR NAME, BECAUSE ONLY JERKS DO THAT, AND I' AM TOTALLY NOT A JERK IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING!" explained Deadpool

"_Wrong anime" _"SHUT UP NO IT'S NOT I REMEMBER THAT ONE EPISODE WHERE LIGHT TOOK TO MANY DRUGS AND WAS AND WAS STUCK ON AN ISLAND INHABBITED BY A SMOKE MONSTER!" "**That's lost**" "AND WHAT AN APROPRIATE TITLE I TELL YOU EVERYTHING WENT DOWN HILL IN SEASON 4 WHEN."

"Um Deadpool who are you talking to?" asked the blonde haired woman "MY TWO BEST IMAGINERY FRIENDS **BOLD** AND _ITALIC _TEXTS AND THE AUTHOR SOMETIMES." She is confused at what he is saying and is very nervous and fearful that he is completely to put it bluntly bat shit insane.

She then walks up to Natsu and whispers into his ear "_Natsu I think we should run when he's not looking." "OKAY I WON'T LOOK THEN"_ The blonde woman almost jumps at her skin due to Deadpool's quickness and falls on her ass on the sand. They foolishly decided to keep Deadpool around until they could find proper help, So they then walked up to the island's village.

They arrived at the village's entrance which is a giant wooden gate "OH MY GOD ARE THESE PEOPLE FIGHTING OFF THE ARMIES OF MORDOR OR SOMETHING I MEAN WHAT GIVES?" commented Deadpool "Well these people are just afraid that other people that are curse are going to attack them." Explained Lucy "WAIT I NEVER HEARD YOU GUYS SAY ANYHTING ABOUT CURSES BEFORE!" said Deadpool

"That's because you never asked." Said Gray "GOOD POINT MEG!" "I told you my name is Gray." "WHATEVER HEY VILLAGER DUDES I GOT SOME NICE EMERALDS FOR YOU THEIR FRESH IN OUT, UNLESS YOU'RE A SPY IN WHICH CASE I'LL HAVE TO KILL YOU!" the others are shocked at what Deadpool just said about murdering some poor innocent Squidward villager. "What you can't threaten to murder somebody just because their a spy." Said Lucy "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT A SPY WOULD SAY, NOW COME HERE YOU DOUBLE CROSSER!"

"Welcome to our village, fellow mages." Greeted the old villager chief "OH HIYA SIR I WAS JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF CUTTING UP A SPY HERE SO IF YOU DON'T MIND I, WAIT DID YOU SAY MAGE, OH GOD NO I'M IN LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!" "**Don't we mean World of Warcraft?**" "NO DUDE I CAN'T DO THAT SOMEBODY ELSE MADE THAT JOKE."

"_Aw what, that's bull shit let's sue their asses._" "LOOK LET'S JUST STOP WITH OUR STUPID VIDEO GAME REFRENCES AND START MAKING STUPID ANIME AND COMIC BOOK REFRENCES." "**Deal**" _"Deal_"

GOOD NOW AS I WAS SAYING I, HEY!" Deadpool then realizes that everyone left him behind which made him very irritated. Meanwhile the tribal chief is explaining to them that there's been a curse going on for the past six months now and they believe that the moon is responsible for their misery, Deadpool then catches up to them and says "I'M SORRY WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT BLOWING UP THE MOON AND DUDE NICE MAKE UP EFFECT, HEY WAIT ARE YOU MEFISTO CAUSE IF YOU ARE THEN CAN I HAVE MY SOUL BACK?" said Deadpool

"No I'm sorry but my name is not Mefisto it's" "FINE WHATEVER NOW ABOUT THE MOON THING I'M GOING TO NEED A SHIT TON OF NUCLEAR MISSLES, A WHITE NERDY GUY, AND MICHEAL BAY!" "What" asked the demonic looking chief "YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID NOW CHOP, CHOP, TIMES A WASTIN" said Deadpool, Lucy then chimes in "Or we could go and investigate the old temple and see what's going on in there."

"YEAH LUFFY IS RIGHT WE HAVE TO GO AND SEARCH THE TEMPLE AND FIND MICHEAL BAY THERE!" "Who's Michael Bay?" asked everyone at the same time. They then journey off to the temple with Deadpool humming the Indiana Jones them song "IT'S IN MY CONTRACT!" of course it is buddy. Anyway they then spot a glowing purple circle hovering over the temple with weird characters circling around and chanting in a weird language, while our heroes hide behind a huge boulder, and one of the strange cult people is very familiar to our Merc with the mouth "OH MY GOD IT'S THAT ULTIEAR BITCH!"

The other cult members turn around and are shocked at what they see "HEY BITCH, FUCK YOU AND NEO, YOU GUYS SUCKED AND I THINK KEANO REVIES IS OVER RATED!" yelled Deadpool, Ultiear face palms in frustration and is now realized that Deadpool Is still alive and now he's after her and will expose her "What's the meaning of this who's Ultiear, and who on Earth is Neo and Keanu Revives?" asked the white haired guy in a renaissance bird mask

"WELL YOU SEE DUDE IN THE FUTURE WE FUCKED UP AND LET MACHINES TOOK OVER AND THEY STORE US IN BATTRIES UNTIL ONE GUY, HEY WHY IS IT COLD OF A SUDDEN?" Deadpool then notices that his body I covered in ice "OH MY GOD YOUR VINELLA ICE, DUDE YOUR MUSIC SUCKS!" now Wade he's not Vanilla Ice. "OH IS HE DAVID BOWIE?" yeah sure why not "YAY" Deadpool then gets slapped in the face by David Bowie, Gray and the others tried to save Deadpool, but realize their saving Deadpool and so they gave up and went back to the village

Meanwhile David Bowie takes Deadpool to the underground chamber of the temple where nobody would see what they're about to do "Now tell me who are you and who sent you here, was it the villagers?" asked David Bowie "NO THE VILLAGERS DIDN'T SENT ME HERE MY BUDDIES DID, ALADDIN, LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS, AND MEG GRIFFON" "Yes but you didn't answer my first question who are you?" demanded David Bowie "I'M DEADPOOL, AND THAT NATIVE AMERICAN GUY IS A SPY!"

"_Dude I thought we agreed not to make any more stupid video game references?"_ "I KNOW BUT I COULDN'T HELP IT." "_Whatever just expose that Ultiear bitch and get done with it." _"YEAH YOUR RIGHT." "Who are you talking to?" asked the pig tail pink haired woman "MY FRIEND _ITALIC _TEXT."

"That's a style of writing you moron." Said David Bowie "I KNOW BUT USALLY WHEN I'M IN A COMIC I CALL HIM WHITE BOX, BUT SINCE I'M IN A FANFICION I HAVE TO CALL HIM THAT OR THE READERS WOULD GET REALLY MAD AT ME!" "What the hell are you talking about and what the hell is a Fan Fiction?" said David Bowie "LOOK THAT'S NOT IMPROTANT RIHT NOW WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT NATIVE AMERICAN GUY IS ACTUALLY A GIRL CALLED ULTIEAR, AND LET ME TELL YOU SHE IS A BITCH, I MEAN A REAL BIG BITCH, LIKE MEG GRIFFON BITCH, YOU KNOW THE KIND THAT ALWAYS RUINS YOUR FUN AND."

"Wait did you say Ultiear as in Ultiear Milkovich one of the members of the magic council." Said David Bowie "YEP THAT'S THE ONE, HER AND THIS OTHER GUY WITH BLUE HAIR HIRED ME TO GO ON A JOB WITH HER, AND USUALLY WHEN PEOPLE HIRE ME THEY WANT SOMEBODY DEAD LIKE YOU!" "Wait blue hair Siegrein, okay thank you Mr. Deadpool, now Sheldon could please explain to us why?" but before David Bowie could finish his sentence Ultiear disappeared in a flash. "Damn it he got away!" "SHE"

"She got away, search the entire island and find her, but bring her back alive. I want to know why the magic council found out about our plans, Now Go!" ordered David Bowie "HEY I COULD HELP YOU FIND HER YOU KNOW, I'M AN EXECLLENT TRACKER AND I'LL DO IT FOR FREE BECAUSE NOBODY HITS DEADPOOL WITH A FRYING PAN AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!" David Bowie sighs in defeat "Fine but you have to promise me you won't kill her, I want to integrate her firs and learn what's going on here." Ordered David Bowie

"BUT I CAN KILL HER AFTER YOU INTEREGATE HER RIGHT?" "Sure" "SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!" and so David Bowie unfreeze Deadpool, and Deadpool runs out to the dark wilderness yelling "FOR THE TACOS!"

_To be continued again, hopefully the next one would be better_


	3. The nothing saga part 1

**Congratulations everybody you've achieved the Nothing Reward for reading the third chapter,  
>now go Fuck yourselves<strong>

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><p>Deadpool is running around the island desperately searching Ultiear for a few hours since he left the temple and has found jack shut, oh oops sorry I mean jack shit. And he is losing his patience "YOU GOT THAT RIGHT BUDDY!" "<em>Yeah we haven't found that bitch or anybody for that matter ever since we began our search.<em>" "WAIT ARE WE LOST?" "**Were not lost it's just that we can't find anybody that's all.**" "YEAH YOUR RIGHT WERE NOT LOST WE JUST NEED TO BURN THE FORREST DOWN TO GET ALL THESE TREES OUT OF THE WAY!"

Actually you guys are lost. "WHAT WHY?" because you're a bunch of a-holes that's why "OOH SNAPPY REFRENCE THERE WRITER!" don't you mean comeback "NO!" aw, anywho Deadpool realizes he's lost and tries to call for setting the fucking forest on fire, so he pulled out a lighter from his suit and was prepared to throw it on the ground until "AAAAH!" a young woman's blood curling cry is heard and Deadpool knows that could only mean one thing "YAY MEG'S GOING TO DIE!"

No Deadpool it's not Meg , it's Lucy in the skkky with diiiamonds. "OH MY GOD I ACTUALLY KIND OF LIKE HER, DON'T WORRY LUCY I'M COMING" "_In our pants_" "TEHE HEHE HEHE!" giggled Deadpool, he then finds Lucy shortly afterwards and sees that she is pinned down on the ground by a large white Minotaur with black patches of fur scattered throughout its body and wearing only a black speedo, and Lucy is wearing nothing but her bra and yellow tanned skirt.

"I'VE SEEN ENOUGH HENTAI TO KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING!" "_Dude rape isn't funny._" "**Yeah we've got raped too by a tentacle monster in case you forgot.**" "YEAH TRUE BUT LET'S KILL THE RAPIST COW AND GO FUCK OUR SELVES!" Deadpool clears his throat "THIS IS SEXUAL HARRASSMENT AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO TAKE IT!" he then stabs the Minotaur through the heart and the creature explodes into golden dust "WOW I DIDN'T KNOW OUR SWORDS WERE EXPLOSIVE, OW" Deadpool gets slapped in the face by Lucy.

"HEY WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR I SAVED YOU, AND YOU'RE VIRGINITY!" "You hurt one of my friends you dumbass." Bickered Lucy "YOUR FRIEND IS A COW RAPIST DUDE THAT'S FUCKED UP!" Lucy sighs in annoyance "No Deadpool, Torus maybe a pervert but he's not a rapist. He was being controlled by that witch over there."

Lucy is pointing at a bright red pig tailed woman that Deadpool saw earlier back at the temple "OH YEAH I KNOW HER!" Lucy's eyes shot wide open "You do?" "YEAH I'M SUPPOSE TO HELP THEM FIND THAT SPY BITCH ULTIEAR! HEY COOL IT PIG TAILS LUCY'S ON OUR SIDE OKAY, OKAY, ANYWAY LUCY HAVE YOU SEEN ULTIEAR ANYWHERE?" "No, bu, Deadpool look out!" shouted Lucy

Suddenly a large heavy object hits Deadpool behind the head and sends him flying across the clearing landing face first in a pile of dirt. Deadpool gets up and sees another red headed woman, but this time she is wearing a silver breast plate and blue mini skirt and a very angry look on her face "OH SO SHE SEND RENINFORCEMENTS DID SHE? WELL TO BAD FOR YOU BUDDY BECAUSE IT IS THREE AGAINST ONE AND I HAVE THE POWER OF MY KATANAS, SO PREPARE TO DIE!" declared Deadpool

"Deadpool wait she's not." "YAAAAAAHH!" Deadpool lunges after her with his katanas in his hand but before he knew it she was gone in a flash "OH GOD NOT ANOTHER NIGHTCRAWLER!" "**Hey why are we bleeding?**" "_Because she cut us into ribbons"_ Deadpool is unfazed by her attack and the woman is surprised that not only has he not fallen but it seems that it hasn't even affect him. Deadpool turns around and sees that she has dumb founded expression her face "UH YEAH THIS IS AKWARD BUT, I'M KIND OF IMMORTAL SO IF YOU WOULD PLEASE GO OFF AND DIE, THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL OK?"

"No" replied the red headed woman "AW FU, ACK" Deadpool is then knocked out cold by the woman's punch and is having a crazy dream where he defeated her and she is on her knees begging for her life "Oh please sexy and handsome Deadpool, please spare me I only just wanted to be your hot sexy wife." "I'M SORRY MADAM BUT I ALREADY HAVE A SEXY WIFE RIGHT HONEY!" he said to his fantasied Lucy "Yes dear, but maybe it's okay for you to have a second sexy wife." "Or three" "Or four." Two more skimpy clad girls walk out of the bushes and surround and hug Deadpool.

"HM OKAY I SUPPOSE I CAN DO THAT!" "but what about me?" said Meg Griffon, Deadpool then shots her in the face and all the girls cheered "COME LADIES LETS HAVE A MASSIVE ORGY TOGETHER!" all the girls shout for joy and they go to a lugugurious red hut where they had there orgy until. "OW!" "Talk, who are you?" ordered the red head woman, Deadpool gets up from his sleeping position and notices right away that his arms, his hands, and his legs are tied in a tight note by rope "OH COME ON NOT AGAIN!"

Deadpool gets slapped by the red head's metal covered hand "Enough now tell me who are you?" "I'M DEADPOOL, WORLD'S GREATEST MERCINARY AT YOUR SERVICE!" "Good now tell me why are you working for them?" "WORKING FOR WHO NOW?" "Lyon's group why are you working for them?" ordered the woman "YEAH I REALLY DON'T WORK FOR THEM AND I DON'T WORK WITH MR. BLUE HAIR OR HIS SPY BITCH ULTIEAR I WORK FOR NOBODY, I WAS ONLY TRYING TO FIND ULTIEAR AND CUT HER FUCKING THROAT OPEN FOR HITTING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH A FRYING!"

"Wait Ultiear as in." "ULTIEAR MILKOVITCH YES, YEAH I'VE HEARD THAT QUESTION BEFORE NOW CAN YOU LET ME GO, I'M GETTING PRETTY CREEPY VIBES FROM YOU!" "Fine but tell me why did Ultiear hired you?" "SHE DIDN'T HIRE ME IT WAS THIS BLUE HAIRED NEO WANNA BE THAT HIRED ME, HE TOOK ME FROM MY WORLD AND PUT ME HERE, TO WATCH THESE YOCALS ON THE ISLAND WIH THEIR MAGIC AND SHIT!"

When Deadpool spoke those words she knew that it could only be one person who is in contact with Ultiear, Jellal's twin brother Siegrein Fernandez one of the members of the magic council, but why did Siegrein hired this crazy lunatic from another world to keep an eye on the cult on this island. And why does this mad man is going after the people he's hired, and why did Ultiear left him to die even though he was her alley. All these questions will be answered in the next chapter.

"WAIT, WHAT?!"

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><p><strong>To be continued again, for god's sake were making no progress here<strong>


	4. In the name of Steve

**Oh my god I haven't written a chapter for two months what have I been doing with my life.**

Deadpool is being integrated by Erza, by interrogation I mean getting the crap beat out of him "STOP HITTING YOURSELF" Deadpool gets punched in the face "STOP HITTING YOURSELF" Deadpool gets kicked in the stomach "WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF?" "I'm hitting you, you moron!" yelled Erza "NO YOU'RWE NOT FOR YOU SEE I SWITCHED MINDS WITH YOU WITH MY TELEKINESIS SO NOW I'M YOU AND YOU ARE ME, SO THAT MEANS YOU'RE HITTING YOURSELF" "But doesn't that also mean you're hitting yourself to?" asked Erza "UH NO STUPID THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS! OW!" Erza then tries repeatedly trying to get more information out of Deadpool, but find that he is way beyond bat shit insane for interrogation.

"Why" she slaps him on the right cheek "Won't" she then slaps him on the left cheek "You, talk!" she then clobbers him and got nothing. She then pants in exudation, making the others even more fearful of Deadpool because he is not at all fazed by Erza's interrogation tactics or just her in general "Man how does that guy with stand all that punishment?" asked Gray "I don't know but I don't wanna find out." Said Natsu who shivers in fear at just the mention of him. Deadpool then sits up and says "ARE YA DONE BECAUSE I'M GETTING REALLY SICK OF THESE CRAPPY INTERMISSION STUFF" "**Interrogation**" "RIGHT SORRY I MEANT INTERROGATION", Erza squints her eyes at Deadpool in full anger which is a really bad sign for our hero.

"WHY?" because she's going to kick your ass "BUT SHE'S BEEN DOING THAT ALL MORNING" yeah but now she's going to chop off your balls so say goodbye to your future children Wade "WAIT HOLD ON FINE I'LL TALK, I'LL TALK. LISTEN THAT'S ALL I KNOW OKAY THEY REALLY DIDN'T TOLD ME ANYTHING IMPORTANT JUST PLEASE DON'T CHOP MY BALLS OFF I NEED THEM TO PROCREATE" Erza is now confused at what he just said "What?" asked Erza, Erza then goes back to the others and asked them of what they should do with Deadpool "I say we send him to the asylum so he won't cause anyone harm." Suggested Gray "I say we just get him some help like maybe we should get a doctor to if he's alright in the head." Suggested Lucy "I SAY WE LET HIM GO"

Everyone turns around and sees Deadpool now free from his rope bondage, oh my. And standing uncomfortably next to them, they all shriek in terror that a crazy sico path is now free and that now he has the chance to kill them all. "How did you break free?" asked Erza "BECAUSE YOU HAVE POOR ROPE TYING SKILLS THAT'S WHY, NOW LISTEN GUYS I KNOW WE GOT ON THE WRONG END OF THE FOOT HERE BUT LET'S BE MATURE ABOUT THIS, AND LET ME GO AND LET ME FOLLOW YOU BACK TO YOUR HOMES SO I CAN HAVE A PLACE TO STAY FOR TONIGHT!" "You can stay at Lucy's apartment she lets anybody sleep there." Said Happy "No I don't you just keep breaking in to my house." Protested Lucy

"WELL WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE NOBODY COMPLAINED WHEN I BROKE INTO THEIR HOUSES" "**That's because we killed them**" "YEAH BUT AT LEAST THEIR NOT COMPLAINING LIKE YOU LUCY, TEHHEH LOOSE HEHEH" They then huddled up and discuss in secret of what they should do with him without Deadpool hearing them of course. They then agree to keep a close eye on Deadpool until they can confirm that he's not a danger to society. But unfortunately Deadpool is going to have to stay in Lucy's apartment because everyone hates.. I mean it's because Gray and Natsu's apartment's aren't big enough to house two people unless one of them fell in love with Deadpool which means you writers better get to work and start writing Deadpool x Natsu fan fictions. And Erza's dorm is a girls only dorm which means that Deadpool can't get in unless someone chops his genitals off which Deadpool isn't a very big fan of. So the only option left is for Lucy, and Natsu to stay together at Lucy's apartment until they can confirm that Deadpool is not a threat. But unknown to our not protagonists Deadpool sneakily walks away and tries to find a boat out of the island so he can go somewhere not here. He then sees a group of stereotypical pirates surrounding a small wooden life boat with a medium sized pirate ship in the distance.

Deadpool then walks up to the pirates and yells "YARG ME MATEYS I HAVE FOUND TRESURE UP IN THAT MONTAIN OVER THERE, COVERED IN HOT SMOKIN BITCHES." "Who are you? And what is this talk of burning dogs?" asked the supposed captain of the crew. "FINE YOU CAUGHT ME I WAS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BOAT, BUT I WAS DOING IT BECAUSE MY DYING SON UH" "_Steve"_ "STEVE IS DYING OF AN ILLNESS AND COULD ONLY BE CURED WITH ONE OF THESE RARE FLOWERS ON THE ISLAND, BUT ALASS MY BOAT SANK WHILE COMING HERE AND I HAVE NO WAY TO GET BACK HOME AND SAVE MY SON, SO PLEASE KIND SIRS I HAVE VERY LITTLE TIME PLEASE LET ME USE YOUR BOAT SO I CAN SAVE STEVE OH PLEASE I BEG OF YOU"

All the pirates are crying at Deadpool's fake sad story and the captain says "Good kind sir you may use my boat to your heart's content, now go, go and save your little Steve." Deadpool says thank you rapidly and takes the boat while showing crocodile tears. He then waves goodbye to the bamboozled pirates and begins rowing toward the bigger pirate ship where he one by one murders the entire crew and hijacks the ship he then begins to sail back to Hargeon, oh boy the comedy. But let's go back to or other characters who later find out that Deadpool is missing and stole their only means way out of the island.

"I can't believe that son of bitch left us here." Said Gray "I can't believe that these stupid pirates bought his sob story." Said Erza "I can't believe he betrayed us." Said Natsu "I can't believe it's not butter." Said the pirate Captain who then got bonked on the head by Erza due to the fact that, that reference was terrible, "What are we going to do now?" asked Happy, you're going to shut up because it's the end of the chapter.

_To be continued for the fourth time_

**Yep I'm back baby, and there's more coming in the future so stay tune. And have a good one**


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